Thursday, March 10, 2011


So I have this really weird habit - I try to make my husband apologize if he is mean to me in my dreams. Do you ever have those kinds of dreams that are so real that you wake up feeling all of the emotions you were feeling in the dream? I do. And if those emotions are hurt or anger caused by the Hubs wanting to marry someone else or ignoring me when I am trying to pour my heart out, then I will call him at work and tell him how horrible he was in my dream the previous night. And then I am silent, waiting for the apology I totally feel like I deserve. And he is silent, then aghast, that I really want him to apologize for something he didn't do. It's become a big joke between us, but that doesn't mean that I don't still make those phone calls. I'm a real piece of work, I know.

Sometimes we take offense that is really imagined because we jump to conclusions or take a position without having all of the information. Have you ever done this? Heard one little comment or bit of information and become frustrated, irate, hurt, offended? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I have been the one to unknowingly cause offense and realized that I recently have felt hurt by something without having all of the information. I want to be better about that. I think that having enough information is the key! There are few people in the world who intend to hurt others, so if we start down the road of hurt and offense, why not take the time to see if that road really needs to be traveled? Get more information, ask some questions, and make your choice. Because it is a choice. Most of the time (all of the time?), I think, that road could be totally bypassed if we had more information. Let's travel the road of love and understanding instead.

*I would like to note that my husband is the opposite of that man who occasionally haunts my dreams - I guess that's why it is so distressing. In real life he is kind, faithful, and a good listener. :)


  1. Fantastic post! I agree that most people are not TRYING to be mean, so I try really hard to give every one the benefit of the doubt. Plus one of my aunts told me years ago that she doesn't have time to get offended. It takes a lot of emotional (and sometimes physical) energy to get mad/hurt and stay that way. It's better to just let it go. If someone repeatedly is mean, that's a different story, but isn't usually the case.

    About dreams, I'm the same way. If Jon does something bad in a dream I wake up totally mad at him. He usually laughs at me and will be sorry that I had the dream, but not for what he did in the dream....since he didn't really do whatever it was. It's funny how much dreams can affect us, isn't it?

  2. I think that sometimes people don't realize that they are being mean BUT they are being mean. Even if it is just "Talking it out" with another person. The truth is that somehow girls are getting meaner.. I think it is stemming from the way that women relate to and bond with each other over gossip and judgement. Gossip is obviously a bad call- especially in front of the girls who look up to us.
    I have developed an immediate distaste for people who criticize and speak unkindly of others. Almost the first time I hear judgement or criticisms from a person, I am totally on guard. I wonder why this is a right of passage in female relationships- bonding over criticism of another.. It drives me crazy.

    Unfortunately I am finding myself guarded around more female company then I would like to be. BUT True friends shine though.. Not because of their opinions of me but because of their opinions about all the women they count as friends or even acquaintances. And I can be confident that they only speak as highly of me as they do anyone else. And I am free of offense, defense and any "Fense" that maybe related.

  3. Danalin... I hope you know you have never offended me. I may be jumping to conclusions here (an exercise I participate in far too often), but do I know what the recent "offensive" action is that you're talking about? If so, my feelings were not hurt. Yes, the key to that situation (and most others) is more information. Another is to look at things from a different perspective. It's human nature, but too often we fail to make the effort to see a situation the way others may see it. We don't have to agree with their vantage point, but understanding it often helps soothe a trying situation.

    Everyone gets offended and everyone offends. Most of us don't intend to do it but it's part of being human in this world.

    About your dreams... the trade-off is that when you have those dreams where he is hot you wake up with those "real" feelings, too :)

  4. I get a little miffed at Brandon when he acts less than decent in my dreams, too. He does the same with me. Sometimes it really does take a bit to shake off those kinds of dreams. :)

    One book I read that was completely fascinating that gave me a whole new perspective on making assumptions and relationships. It's "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

    Great post, Lady!

  5. I have read "The Four Agreements" as well. It is a short and thought provoking little book. It is supported by the diversity group I serve on in our school district and taught to staff in all of the CK schools through staff meetings. The four agreements are (not necessarily in this order):
    1. Don't take things personal-meaning most of the time it isn't about you.
    2. Be impeccable with your word-Say what you really mean and be honest and clear.
    3. Don't make assumptions-make sure you have all of the information before you make a
    4. Always do your best. Presume that people are doing their best with what they have. (This one helps me in cutting people slack. I haven't walked their shoes. People see and act differently because of their life experiences and the challenges they have been dealt. It helps to get to know someone's story, especially one you have difficulty with).
    Great posting, Danalyn. I also like your good dream comment, Linda. It made me smile:)

  6. When you post your experiences, thoughts, weaknesses etc it is like you are taking a page right out of my life/mind! Glad to know I am not the only nutty girl out there :) I think if you can laugh at yourself about somethings that's half the battle!
    Yes! always give others the benefit of the doubt. That is what I would want from others. I know I dont always say and do the right thing.